You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
