i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
