have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Operation Purity has been aborted
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
