Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
