You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
