Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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