What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
