I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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