Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize