So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
