planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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