Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I want her autograph on my taint
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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