I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
