I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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