Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
