I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
