just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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