I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
