Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
