And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She is in my trunk
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Shame - the story of my life.
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