the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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