i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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