i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
