i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
