Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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