We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
