I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
