You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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