so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
