He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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