My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
this is an emotional support booty call
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
