Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's the barista slut.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
