totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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