i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
40s are totally the cure
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
