I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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