when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
