You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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