My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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