I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
