i wish my penis had a tongue
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just had sex on a roof
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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