we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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