I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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