considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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