Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
"it" just moved
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
