this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
