I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just gargled with NyQuil
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
