paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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