My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
