My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
