i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
