ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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