If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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