I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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