so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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