my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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