took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
