just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
