Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
