Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We need a shit load of segways right now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
