You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
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He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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