just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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