so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
