DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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