Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity