We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead