Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
