Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
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The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!