Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support