I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
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DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?