Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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