Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is Oprah even human
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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