I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked