Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
