I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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