oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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