i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
