no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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