he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
