Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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