I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
