I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
