how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
