But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
