how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
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My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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