oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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