What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
